Children's Life In Troubled Families.

In the present, not least found children's life in troubled families. Some families or parents cannot perform functions that should be due to one thing or another. This family problem will then have an impact on children's welfare in the future.

A family is a place for someone to be able to grow and develop for the first time. The family environment, especially parents, has a great influence on one's physical and mental health. The role of parenting is also what determines how well a person can adapt and be fully involved in community life.

Children's life in troubled families.

Some people experience childhood to adolescence which is not happy because they live in a troubled family. Families who have problems are like poisons that must be "swallowed" by children. Children who grow up from troubled families tend to have some traits and behaviors that continue to carry on until they are adults and usually make it difficult for themselves.

Usually, this will have an impact on education, work, relationships with partners, and social relations in general.

Anxiety disorders.

Anxiety disorders are a common mental health problem and have long been known to be related to family problems. Excessive anxiety in a person can be triggered by parental behavior or family conditions that always cause problems or concerns of family members.

It can also be caused by the behavior of parents who are too hard to cause mental pressure by scolding or belittling things done by children or excessive anxiety of parents so that they forbid children to move is the main cause of the emergence of anxiety disorders in children as adults.

Difficulty interacting with other people.

Whatever problems cause a family to become troubled, the effects of anxiety that arise as a result will also affect a child's ability to interact and form relationships with others. It can be triggered by negative thoughts or views from parents who are "transmitted" to children that everyone cannot be trusted, or anxious if someone else knows the condition of their family.

Difficulty accepting reality.

It can be caused by conflicts that arise from differences in views between parents and children, and parents who force their opinions on children - aka brainwashing. As a result, children grow up having a hard time believing in what they are experiencing and tend to lack confidence in their own emotions even what is captured by their senses.

The three conditions above will usually cause some negative attitudes in children, as below:

1. Posesif.

Children who grow in troubled families will be more possessive in friendships and relationships. Emotionally children are more 'thirsty for affection' than other children. He was afraid that if he did not 'hold' the people closest to him, then they would go like his parents. He also has excessive jealousy in other people around him.

2. Always afraid of being lied.

He has an excessive fear of lies. He saw how his father manipulated the mother or vice versa so that he assumed that other people must do the same.

3. It's hard to believe in other people.

Research from Brown University reveals children who are often lied by their own family members make it difficult for children in believe in others. Even if the partner is an honest person, he will always feel that he is being lied. This feeling of difficulty putting trust in others often causes him to be easily frustrated. He also became a figure who often gets discouraged when dealing privately with others.

4. Afraid of getting married or having relationships with other people.

The idea of a family can be a nightmare for children who grow up in troubled families. It because the child feels how he lives in an unhappy family. As a result, this will make him doubt that he will be able to build a happy family later.

5. Do not have a strong identity.

The child's mentality is so weak that he is often confused with himself. He felt that his life was different from the lives of others. Because of this, it becomes easier to experience depression, identity crisis, feeling worthless, and feeling that in this world no one loves him.

6. Lack of self-respect.

Parents' attitude that often damages their souls is when they don't respect children. For example, parents place high expectations on their children and do not appreciate children. Finally, a child also feels that he doesn't respect himself. Inadequate appreciation from his parents also made him feel that he was not good enough for anyone.

7. Can not express feelings.

Difficulty expressing feelings usually starts from parents who like to forbid their children from doing many things. It will make the child often hold back his feelings in order to maintain the feelings of others. It will only make him emotionally confined.

Troubled Families.

Families are said to be problematic when a home can no longer be a place of refuge for all family members. In addition, parenting parents in troubled families tend to cause negative auras and pay less attention to children's mental health so that it has an impact on the child's growth process.

Family dysfunction is like a domino. Family problems are directly related to the condition and behavior of both or one of the parents, which then has a direct impact on the child's development. Here are some things that risk causing a family a problem, including:

Parents who are drug or alcohol dependent.

One or both parents have addiction or compulsiveness (for example, drugs, alcohol, promiscuity, gambling, workaholism, or overeating) that have a strong influence on family members. Dependence of prohibited substances is a serious problem because it can cause the loss of parent figures in the family, the emergence of violent behavior, and financial difficulties.

Domestic violence.

Domestic violence causes family situations to be not conducive and unsafe for children and can cause a child to grow up to be someone who is rude when he grows up. Parents use threats or apply physical violence as the primary control tool. Children may have to witness violence, be forced to participate in punishing their siblings,

Exploitation of children.

Parents exploit children and treat them as property whose sole purpose is to respond to the physical or emotional needs of adults (eg; protecting parents, comforting depressed parents, and meeting family needs).

Authoritarian parents.

Authoritarian parents basically act on the assumption that what they do to children is the best. This authoritarian care often makes teenagers rebel even more so if their parents are hard, unfair and show no affection. Children tend to be hostile to parents and often save feelings of dissatisfaction with control and are dominated by their parents. 

The negative effects of authoritarian parenting on children include not developing empathy, feeling worthless, external moral standards (only to avoid punishment, not because of consciousness), over restraint, aggressiveness, cruelty, sadness, withdrawal from the association, lack of deep-seated things like spontaneity, independence, affection, and curiosity.

How to rebuild a harmonious family?

Quoted from Psych Central, clinical psychologist Elvira G. Aletta, Ph.D. makes a list of the most important things in the family so that the home can be a conducive and safe environment for each of its members, including the following:
  1. Appreciate each family member, both sibling relations, between partners, and parents and children.
  2. Creating an emotionally safe environment, where each family member can freely express his opinions, desires, and feelings without feeling worried about being underestimated or humiliated.
  3. Make the family a place to relieve stress or trauma
  4. Respect privacy between family members
  5. Responsible for maintaining trust and not causing anxiety
  6. Always be able to forgive each other when there are conflicts or have differences of opinion
  7. Can express emotions naturally
  8. Give everyone the opportunity to change and grow
  9. Both parents relate well and do the task of influencing parents as a team
  10. Familiarize manners at home
  11. Has a clear boundary between parent and child relationships
  12. Help each other
  13. Take the time to eat together
It recommends that the problems in the family must be resolved immediately. It will be very helpful for every individual in the family to escape from mental stress that is too long. If necessary, parents can participate in counseling institutions that can provide insight and enlightenment about family problems faced.

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