The impact for children: Parents Fights in front of Children.

A parent's fight must have happened in a marriage. Even though they were married for a long time and each other was compatible, still the dispute was sometimes unavoidable. It could also be a new mismatch sticking out when you get married, so there are always bickering. In fact, unwittingly parents fight often done in front of children.

It must be a concern because often fighting in front of children can affect the development of emotions. Maybe the effect is not immediately visible, but eventually, it will cause serious damage to the child. Especially if the two parents have not reconciled, and the conflict is getting tighter from day to day.

Children need an explanation for their parents' fights

The impact of parents fighting in front of children.

Psychologists say that none of the children in the world like to see their parents fight. No matter how old the child is, or how a child reacts when a fight occurs - a child may seem calm when mother-father is noisy - the real child cannot stand to see his two favorite people shouting at each other and appear to "hate" each other.

When parents disagree and argue, what can be done, the possibility of out of control, is very large. When struck by emotions, parents may accidentally put out words, attitudes, or actions, which are contrary to values of kindness that have been grown at home.

The rules that have been upheld for children have been violated. If the child sees this conflict, do not be surprised if a child loses faith in the values instilled.

Furthermore, children can be confused and disrespectful because parents are role models, violating their own teachings. Children who often see fights their parents also tend to feel the happiness and peace promised in a marriage bond.

If parents are not instantly aware of their actions, the child will experience trauma. It's ironic if a fight subsides but the trauma of the child is carried away. It could be that after the child leaves adolescence and adulthood, The child is lazy or afraid of marriage, because in his mind for what to marry if later often filled with fights.

A study conducted by Alice Graham from the University of Oregon, as reported by zeenews, decided to scan the fMRI for 20 babies. The 20 babies between the ages of six and 12 months are placed in the lab during their regular sleep hours. When these babies fell asleep, researchers exposed them with the sound of an adult man who spoke in a very angry voice, not so angry, happy and neutral.

"It turns out that despite falling asleep, these babies show different patterns of brain activity, depending on the emotional tone of voice we give," Graham said.

Alice found that babies who came from families with high levels of conflict or parents often fight showed a higher reaction to a very angry tone of voice in the brain, especially in parts of the brain related to stress and emotional regulation such as the anterior cingulate cortex, caudate, thalamus and hypothalamus.

In conclusion, this study shows that babies also know that if their parents are in conflict, even exposure to this conflict can affect the way the baby's brain processes its own emotions and stress. It is feared that this condition will affect the psychological condition of the child until adulthood.

The impact on children's health and psychology.

Research published in the Journal of Family Psychology proves that fighting in front of children can injure children emotional development. The study was conducted on families who often experience internal conflicts between parents. Children are shown a photo of a partner who is angry, happy, and neutral then an EEG examination is performed to determine his brain activity.

As a result, children from parents who often fight process emotions differently. They react stronger and more emotionally when shown a photo of a partner who is angry or happy. The further impact that can occur is that they will have difficulty socializing with others and making it difficult to make friends.

Another study conducted by the University of Rochester also found the same thing. Frequent viewing of fights and destructive behaviors of parents, such as verbal abuse or physical violence, can cause emotional disturbances in children.

This emotional disorder is very diverse. Children become easily worried, helpless, and not confident. Not only that, but they also become irritable and more aggressive. In fact, children can experience various health problems, such as sleep disorders, headaches, abdominal pain, and susceptibility to pain.

Seeing parents fight continuously will certainly trigger stress. Stress experienced by children can cause it difficult to concentrate on receiving lessons in school, so academic performance also decreases.

As a result of this stress, children's social relationships with others can also be disrupted. Likewise with the relationship of children with siblings. For example, children become much interfered with their brothers or sisters, overprotective of each other, or even become distant from one another.

In fact, fights of parents during childhood can trace the memory of a child as an adult. Research conducted at the University of California Los Angeles, United States, states that children who grow up seeing parents fight tend to have more health problems. They are easily sick, depressed, drug dependent, lonely, and become stiff or difficult to be intimate with their partners.

Children who often see their parents fight can experience various health problems, emotional disturbances, and have difficulty socializing with other people. For that, when you are at loggerheads with your partner, you should pull over for a moment and try to solve the problem with a cold head. Avoid doing it in front of your child if you don't want your child to have a bad impact later on.

"When children are threatened at an emotional level, they show an increase in negative symptoms such as depression, anxiety, aggression, and hostility," Dr. Gordon Harold, co-author of the study. A child who reacts to a parent's quarrel may appear to be withdrawn or silent and such behaviors are often ignored, he continued.

Or, children actually become aggressive and difficult to handle, even acting while parents fight to divert their attention. If this effort is successful, the child may do it again and again.

Research shows that aggression is physically and verbally aggressive, "silences", intense arguments, and arguments in question or involving children is the worst for children.

But surprisingly, not the number of fights that seemed to have the most impact on children. Conversely, the extent to which a parent's argument affects a child will depend on whether the fight gets hotter or both parties make peace.

Parental rights are not a problem if both parties try to solve the problem. However, when this conflict remains open, the child will respond with depression, anxiety, and/or behavioral problems.

Parents do not realize that children are sensitive to the parent's conflicts. However, the study found that children are most sensitive at a very early age, at least starting at the age of 1 year.

Although many studies have shown that problematic marriage tends to produce problematic children, researchers have looked for specific information about how children are harmed. "A young person who sees his parents finds difficulties is likely to be afraid," said Robert Emde, a child psychiatrist at the University of Colorado Medical Center, who conducted research on emotions in the family, reported from the NY Times.

"Older children may also feel guilty, believing that he must be blamed," explained Emde. All of these feelings appear bearable in the short term, he said, but not when hostilities continue in the long run. In such cases, the child may become too explosive anger or too afraid to express anger, which puts the child at risk of having emotional limitations, too.

If parents really solve the problem, children will know. If they don't, children will find out too. Then, what can parents do?

Children need an explanation for their parents' fights.

Accept and let the child to sulk and make friends for now. His world has been a bit shaken, so he is looking for certainty and comfort from one of his parents. Your job is to find a middle ground, once you find your child begins to withdraw as a response to a sad experience. Let the crap run for a while, but also encourage him to find his own strength.

For example, you might a child keep an eye on you all day but look for a gap between them, like when you prepare dinner when you expect him to keep busy in another room. Some children will return to 'recover' in a few days; several days spend several months or more. There are no definite guidelines, but this will work smoothly if you push it slowly, then observe its capacity to respond to your body as a measure of whether you push it too hard or not.

Talk to your child about your argument.

After the fight, now the home atmosphere is filled with big and real irregularities, and you have to discuss it - not only with your partner but also with your child. If not, the child's imagination will develop wildly, changing something that should not be a burden on the child's mind becomes an emotional concern that drains his time and energy. Ideally, both parents must engage in a conversation with the child about this, so that he can see that you are both on the same road.

One way to continue the discussion is to tell your little one to experience a frightening argument between each other and want to discuss it together with him, as a family. You might also tell that your father and mother forgave each other for saying such painful things. 

Empathizing with him by explaining that you know this argument is frightening for him to hear. Then ask him what he wants to say or ask you. Some children will respond to expressions and be quiet; others will release all their emotions and thoughts. How you take over from there will depend on the individual child. However, as the discussion progresses, here are some important points to note:
  1. Before starting the discussion, it's good to consult together and come to the child with a plan. It is important to convey that you are able to "detoxify" aggression and find a constructive resolution.
  2. You both love each other, and your marriage is still good and strong. Convince the child that he does not need to worry about anything like divorce and that when parents love each other, they will find ways to work together to accomplish what they disagree with.
  3. The painful words that you throw at each other occur because you are emotional - not a reflection of what you feel for your spouse.

What needs to be recognized after fighting with a spouse.

Children must feel confident that your marriage is still fine after the fight. It is very important for you to show your child that you and your partner trust each other that each is a pleasant individual. But, the fun does not mean perfect.

All parents, even those who love each other, experience disappointment and frustration about each other. Sometimes, parents are able to change; other times he can't. Regardless, it's important to keep listening to each other and try to make changes.

It is important because children will succeed in identifying themselves with their parents' characteristics that are valuable only if parents show they value these characteristics.

"One thing parents can do is try to work together to find a resolution, and let their children know about the resolution," said E. Mark Cummings, Ph.D., a psychologist from the University of Notre Dame. "Even if parents fight behind closed doors and come out really looks like they have solved the problem, the child will see it as an 'armistice' effort. And, parents can explain to the child what happened. "

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